Monday, June 6, 2011

Stinkface Wrestling News: Indy Star to be Repackaged as Doink The Clown; Current Plans for CM Punk

The following is a report from Stinkface Wrestling News, a pro wrestling news-source which aims to bring the integrity-fueled journalism of news sites such as ONN to this craft.  It just might get its own blog if it gets enough support from the people.

The current plan is for Jon Moxley to be repackaged as Doink The Clown and joined by the newly signed Japanese star Kenta Kobayashi, better known as KENTA.  In WWE, Kobayashi will use the name "Kenta The Clown" and all WWE onscreen personel will refer to him exactly as such at all times unless WWE can acquire the exclusive rights to the name KENTA.  Kobayashi currently performs for Pro Wrestling Noah, and has worked for Ring of Honor on many occasions in the past.

Since CM Punk is expected to leave WWE around the end of the summer, Doink and Kenta The Clown will take over and repackage The Nexus, writing off Punk via beatdown.  If Punk returns in time for Wrestlemania, the door would be open for a face-turn and feud with Kenta The Clown.

The feeling backstage is that this would especially benefit Mason Ryan as it would help to differentiate him from Batista and because no one can take seriously.

The following YouTube video came from a leaked audio feed for Moxley's first promo for WWE as Doink The Clown, along with transcript.

"For years I've been ignored, held down, and ridiculed.

You see, I'm not related to any of those old has-beens you like to put on the air whenever you feel like making fun of them, and lately, I haven't been the kind of guy you'd want your kids around, but I've been more loyal to this damn business than any big red dofus, any brooklyn pushover, or anyone that's spent the better half of their career waiting for their tag partner to retire.  I've kept my nose so clean that no-one on the Internet thinks that I am real.

Well pretty soon, you're all gonna find out just how real Doink The Clown is; all you snot-nosed dorks on your computers, all you sycophants that join in on the laughs about me and Gooker, all string-pulling general managers are gonna wish you paid me just a bit more attention.

It's about time that someone started a black hole in this WWE Universe."

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Some Thoughts on John Cena

Was such a huge fan of him when he was like this, but that Cena's long gone.  His first rap against Rock was entertaining, but to expect him to rap like in this video now is like expecting Raven (who has a family now) to have the same mystique that he had in his ECW days.

After Raw last Monday night, I think it'd be best for him to be a tweener who expresses gratitude for those who still believe in "Hustle Loyalty Respect" while questioning those who cheer for stars who walk in and out of the business as they please.

I had been a fan of the idea of a full-blown heel turn just as much as the next guy for awhile, but even if it made business sense it'd be doomed to be compared to Hogan's for all of eternity.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sami Callihan's Rising Star: If I Were WWE...

Earlier today I was blown away yet again by a Sami Callihan promo (  The eerie atmosphere he creates is quite refreshing, and gets me hyped-up for whatever he's about to do.  Unless he gets picked up by one of the Big Two soon (which I consider to be a very real possibility), I could really seem him making a big impact on the indy scene along with his former tag partner Jon Moxley.

If it weren't for McMahon's refusal to get behind a good goth/emo gimmick (and possibly PG rating + the psycho shootings in the news which Sami visibly shows influence from, but WWE has done stupider things in regards to those matters in the past, so why not for Sami and throw another quick disclaimer before the show again?), I'd say without a doubt that Sami would be first in line for a WWE contract. Even with the PG rating working against him, I've noticed that emo/goth references can be quite common in cartoons, and the guy oughta still be a top candidate at the very least. Even at this stage of his career, Callihan's charisma alone should be everything the E's looking for.

Fantasy Booking: Based on what I've been hearing about CM Punk's Nexus, Callihan would be a perfect fit for it. At some point later in the group's run Punk has had the WWE title for a good while. When Sami starts getting over via a Batista-like push, the Nexus start losing important matches, perhaps briefly costing Punk the title. Punk orders Callihan and another member to square off to determine who leaves the faction. When Callihan loses, Punk sternly enforces the order in spite of Sami's resistance, but begins to telegraph a small amount of intimidation as the Straight-Edge leader does so. On his way out of the arena, Callihan wrecks objects such as the announce table computers, and is not seen again for some time. A promo like the DGUSA one mentioned earlier surfaces (again that's, DG factions = Punk's Nexus) to put an awesome spin on the "I'm taking you out one-by-one" formula. Sami starts jumping Nexus, brutally beating-down members as the scared-as-shit Punk watches in despair (Matt Striker: "Switchblade Conspiracy! What has CM Punk unleashed!?"). Of course, it all builds up to a mania progam, highlighted by a promo with a similar vibe to the "number 3" promo ( If they fetch him up now, WWE would be able to argue that they made Sami Callihan into a main event star.

EDIT: Forgot that I could embed vids.  Here are the promos linked above for those who prefer to watch them in this format.  If you liked the old Cactus Jack and Chris Jericho promos, you're in for a treat.: